How can you get everyone in the room
to come to a solution everyone can accept?
Miki Kashtan is a world-renowned expert in non-violent communication. Her writings and her books can transform society. I've completed a few programs from Miki on how to seek the buy-in of everyone who has a stake in a conversation, and I can help your teams learn this, too.
to come to a solution everyone can accept?
Miki Kashtan is a world-renowned expert in non-violent communication. Her writings and her books can transform society. I've completed a few programs from Miki on how to seek the buy-in of everyone who has a stake in a conversation, and I can help your teams learn this, too.
When agreeing is difficult, here are three skills for keeping people at the table...
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Skill One
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Skill Two
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Skill Three
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Here's are some of my takeaways from Miki's material:
Show don’t tell. Instead of saying "I understand" or "I hear you," you can show your understanding by identifying what's really important to them, expressing it in noncontroversial language, and checking with them to see if your expression matches what they wanted to be heard about.
Listen without responding. Stay with the person speaking until they are fully heard. Any time you shift focus and respond in any way, such as arguing, reassuring, presenting more data, or sharing your own opinion, it shifts the energy from the other person to you. Stick with them. In particular, resist the temptation to try to convince them of anything. In short, it never works.
Listen first, and only speak when you truly have the other’s attention, which rarely happens without being heard first.
No buts or ands. If you want to respond to what the person is saying rather than simply hearing them, which is rarely helpful to someone who wants to be heard, separate your response and wait till later. Most especially, avoid sentences such as “I hear that you want … but (or and) we still need to …” Instead, confirm with the person that you hear them accurately, and only then offer what you want them to hear.
Take people at face value. If you can cultivate, on purpose and on principle, a practice of hearing people at face value, you will soon discover that people trust you and lower their protection around you, because it’s so powerful for any of us to be heard in that way. If you’re thinking about their agenda, you’re losing the ability to just be with a person and see what happens next.
For more; see Miki's Blog post on her program: https://goo.gl/qWHwPm